


Can you hold this?

by Shadoow (Chikita)



Series: Haikyuu Omo Stuff (English) [12]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkwardness, Bathroom Humor, Crack, Desperation, Gen, Kenma is embarrassed, Lev needs a restraining order, Men's Room, Omorashi (mild), Pee, mild social anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chikita/pseuds/Shadoow
Summary: Kenma has never been the greatest fan of the bathrooms at his school, let alone the urinals, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures...only for Lev to join and torment him by breaking almost every rule of men’s restroom etiquette that has ever existed.
Series: Haikyuu Omo Stuff (English) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1504397
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	Can you hold this?

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this while sleep-deprived at 1 am and it shows, I think in a positive way because this is so insane. I put it on my...kink account just in case because there’s some descriptive stuff in there, but most of it is really just crack. This is kind of a “backstory” to “One of those Days” that explains Kenma’s reluctance to pee in front of other people, lol. He has a good reason. Really.
> 
> I GOT [FANART](https://water-work-s.tumblr.com/post/622182543602663424/based-on-this-amazing-fic-by-this-amazing-goddess)

“Alright students, class dismissed. Don’t forget your homework for-”

Kenma couldn’t concentrate on the rest of his math teacher’s lecturing since he’d already leaped up from his seat with the ring of the bell, ignoring the curious glances shot his way to make a mad dash for the exit. Once in the hallway, he stopped to think of the quickest, easiest route to the nearest bathroom, foot tapping in tact with the angry throbbing of his bladder.

Okay, so keeping awake on energy drinks and coffee was one thing, but skipping the break between the second and third period to play another level of his smartphone game had been a foolish mistake. He could always take up that boss battle later, but he couldn’t wait forever to go to the bathroom. Of course, there was no way he was going to ask to be excused to take a bio-break during class, so suffering in silence with a strained face and his legs crossed under the desk had been his only option to survive. His only option to survive with dry clothes at least.

But now that torture was finally over, and he was free to go wherever he wanted for the next ten minutes until his next class started. Tora would most likely be offended by how fast his lazy teammate could run when he had a different, more primal kind of motivation to do so.

Once the little blue sign appeared in his field of vision, Kenma practically launched himself through the door and scurried over to the stalls, ignoring the row of urinals to his left. With his hands trembling and his hips swaying back and forth, he jiggled the doorknob on the first one, stomach twisting in anxiety when it wouldn't budge. So he tried the next one. Same thing. Maybe some jerk had clogged the toilets again and the stalls had to be closed off.

Out of his mind from desperation, Kenma took a shaky breath and willed his bladder to hold out for a few more seconds before trying the third and last door. It was open, but Kenma had to actually take a step back when he was greeted by a foul smell as if someone had died in there. He slammed the door shut again, not brave enough to enter _that_ kind of territory.

For about half a minute, he paced in front of the stalls, the hand he’d used to discreetly grip himself through his pocket in class now clutching his front. Beads of sweat were running down his temples, his bladder cramping and lurching forward every time he took a step.

His eyes shifted towards the urinals, and his insides twisted again. He hated those things, loathed them with every fiber of his being. Why would a guy even want to stand next to another guy to pee? It was creepy, weird, embarrassing, and an obvious violation of privacy. He couldn’t use those things, not even when there was no stall available. He’ll have to find another bathroom. His bladder revolted at the idea, the need flaring up in him so ferociously, Kenma doubled over with a whine, hands holding his dick in a vice-grip to keep it all in.

He peered up from his hunched-over position, vision blurred with tears. The urinals had dividers between them. That didn’t make up for walls and an actual lockable door, but it was something, right? _Right?_ And wasn’t he alone? Many students went to eat at that time of the day, so if he made it quick? Would anyone even see him? Would anyone see him pee?

 _Oh fuck,_ he needed to _go._ He was going to soak himself on the spot if he waited any longer.

Without further hesitation, Kenma made a beeline for the closest urinal, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants in haste before he even stood in a proper position. The second he had everything lined up, he started peeing as if he hadn’t gone in days. The force of it was so strong, he let out an audible gasp, head tilting back and eyes fluttering close as he went. Oh, _geez,_ he’d needed that. No way he would’ve _ever_ made it to another bathroom.

Kenma was lost in a daze of utter bliss and relaxation until suddenly, a creaking noise echoed through the room, instantly shaking him out of it. Great. So much for enjoying his relief in peace. Instead, his mind filled with cold anxiety. It got even worse when the creaking was followed by footsteps and a silly whistling tune, that sounded dangerously familiar.

If this was any other situation, Kenma would’ve interrupted his release, cut off the flow as fast as he could, and get the hell out of there. A good idea in theory, and one that usually worked, but not now. Not when he was standing there on unsteady feet and spraying down the porcelain fire hose-style. Even if he miraculously managed to pinch off that waterfall, it would only work for about two seconds before starting again without his permission. He’d be peeing all over himself, the floor, and if all went wrong, the unlucky person entering the room.

He had to calm down. Take a deep breath, and just keep going. Keep peeing. Whoever was there just wanted to take a leak as he did, and leave once he was finished. There’s was no reason to get worked up. This was something natural, something everyone had to do. With this in mind, Kenma straightened his back like a soldier on patrol, eyes focusing on the ugly graffiti on the wall in front of him. “This school sucks ass and so do you,” it said. Wow, now that was uncalled for. Who would write something rude like that, let alone in a bathroom?

“Oii, Kenma! What are you doing here?” The voice was so loud and so sudden, Kenma actually jumped and almost lost control of his aim for a second. He didn't turn his head because that would break rule number one of restroom etiquette, but he _did_ shift his eyes.

And his heart stopped.

“I guess that question was dumb, we both need to do the same thing, haha,” the outrageously tall person, who rendered every urinal barrier useless, went on to break number four of restroom etiquette: Never talk to someone while they’re peeing. Also don’t laugh at them.

Now that was just wonderful. Kenma let out a shuddering exhale and forced himself to keep breathing, as to not get light-headed and faint while he was standing there with his genitals hanging out. Of every guy that went to his school, the one guy that had to enter the restroom while he was at the urinal peeing his brains out, had to be freaking Lev. Their new first-year spiker at the volleyball club, and one of the chattiest, most obnoxious guys he’d ever met.

“You know, I’ve never seen you here at the urinals before,” he continued, and Kenma already wanted to die inside, “I always assumed you were more of a stall guy. Weird, huh?”

Yes, and people like Lev were the exact reason for why he was like that.

By the way, wasn’t that guy also breaking rule number two of restroom etiquette? Never choose the urinal right next to another person if you can avoid it? Fair enough, they had a barrier in between them, so maybe that made a difference, but for someone of Lev’s height that did as much as putting a bandaid on a flesh wound. The room held at least five more urinals, why did he have to take the one right next to him? Kenma’s stomach dropped. He knew why.

“You guys just had math class too, right?”, Lev started yet another conversation, forcing Kenma to nod and reply with something akin to a grunt, “Math is so boring. I wish we could just do sports all the time. But I guess it’s alright because we have two full hours of volleyball practice this afternoon. That’s way more fun. Hey Kenma, how did _you_ get into volleyball?”

“Can we please-”, Kenma muttered under his breath, face burning and dizziness setting in, “-talk about this somewhere else and not here? It's making me...really uncomfortable.”

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Lev replied with a loud: “Ohhh, alright. You need to concentrate, huh? No shame in that, no shame. My aim ain’t that good either. I always need both hands to-” and before Kenma could tell him this absolutely _wasn’t_ what he meant, “Uhh, I might need help there. I know, this is a big favor, but can you hold this for a min-”

“No!” Kenma screeched as he whipped around to face his bothersome teammate, almost peeing all over his hand as he did. How could he think this was even close to being an appropriate thing to ask someone in a freaking public bathroom? Why, Lev? _Why?_

Lev blinked a few times, face twisting into an expression of utter confusion before his eyes suddenly lit up. And then he laughed, not just chuckled but actually laughed out loud as if Kenma had just made the best joke in the history of jokes. But Kenma wasn't up for jokes. The only thing he wanted was for the tiles on the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“Not _that_ , haha. Oh lord, you’re so funny, Kenma. This wouldn't work with this wall between us anyway.” And then, without asking for a second time, Lev reached over said wall to thrust a medium-sized cup into Kenma's free hand. He couldn’t react fast enough to decline, and he didn't want Lev to drop said cup and make a mess on the floor, so he accepted it with a huff.

“Sorry,” Lev said with another laugh, though he didn't sound apologetic at all, “I always buy coffee after math class because the numbers on the board make me sleepy. But I also really had to go, and if I place the cup on top of the urinal it might fall and end up burning my d-”

“It’s okay, stop talking!” Kenma hissed through clenched teeth, standing on the spot rather awkwardly with his “equipment” in one hand and a surprisingly heavy paper cup in the other. It wasn't exactly _okay,_ because some sadistic individual at the school’s cafeteria had made the contents of the cup so hot, it was gradually burning his palm. How Lev could carry that thing around and not get hurt was an enigma in itself, just like the rest of his abnormal physique.

Maybe Yaku had kicked him around for so long, he didn’t know what pain was anymore.

The following silence was like an oasis in the desert, soothing enough for Kenma to let out a sigh of relief.

“Wow, you had to go really bad, huh?”, Lev spoke up again, and a jolt of horror shot through Kenma's whole body. He hadn’t paid attention at first, but now it was kind of obvious.

They were the only two people in the bathroom, and _he_ was the one still gushing like a broken faucet with no end in sight. Lev zipped up audibly and made a quiet little humming noise, but instead of taking his overpriced coffee back and leaving as any half-decent person would, he kept standing in front of the urinal. Was he waiting for him to finish? Oh no, he wasn’t going to get rid of him until he’d finished peeing. But he still needed to go. The tank was far from empty.

Stupid energy drinks. And stupid coffee, the one in his hand _and_ the one in his bladder.

“That reminds me of something. I had this science teacher in middle school, old woman, hair in a bun, super strict, never let any of her students go to the bathroom during class.” Kenma rolled his eyes into the back of his head and bit back a groan. If he’d ever wanted to hear one of Lev’s embarrassing childhood stories, he would’ve asked, “And one day I had a lot of soda before class started, and it was hell, I tell you. _Hell!_ I barely made it in time. But I don’t think I peed quite as much as you did. You've been going for almost a minute, that’s crazy.”

“Uh-huh.” Kenma tried to suppress the feeling of utter mortification at Lev not only listening to him pee, which was shameful enough, but _timing it._ Could this get any worse?

It could. It could always get worse.

“Wow, I’m sorry. That looks like it hurts a lot,” Lev suddenly said, and Kenma, confused by this nonsensical statement, shifted his eyes again, only to see Lev not only leaning over the barrier with his whole upper body, but staring down directly at his junk. What the _actual hell?_

They made eye contact, with Kenma shooting Lev his angriest glare, which probably made him look as intimidating as a kitten. Did this still count as rule one of restroom etiquette? Or rather, wasn’t it common sense to _not_ stare at the genitals of a guy you’re not having regular intercourse with? Wasn’t this something your parents taught you when you were three?

“You got a little chafing down there,” Lev explained himself and pointed at Kenma’s groin, as if doing that was the most normal thing in the world, “Those uniform zippers are a pain, really, like sometimes you're in a hurry and you need to get it out fast, but then you-”

“Shut up! Please, just shut up already!” Kenma almost started crying, his eyes filling with real tears. He wasn’t a violent person by any definition of the word, but right now he wanted nothing but slap the annoying first-year, kick his shins as Yaku did sometimes, or maybe pour the still very hot coffee down his shirt. At least then he wouldn’t have to hold it anymore.

“S-Sorry, uh...I was just concerned,” Lev stammered, raising both hands in a gesture of surrender, “You don’t have to be embarrassed, that happens to every guy at some point.”

“I don’t want to hear it! Stop!” Kenma's face was on fire, his reflex to escape this horror of a situation so overwhelming, he put an actual effort into squeezing out the last trickle as fast as he could. He needed to get out of here before he would combust from shame. It was awful, he was never going to use a urinal ever again. He’d pee in a bush behind the school if he had to.

Kenma was still lost in his shame and frustration when suddenly, he was startled by the door to the bathroom being slammed open, two more voices joining them. What was it with all of those guys having a chat in the bathroom? Couldn’t they do this at lunch, or... _anywhere else?_

“Oh, Inouka and Shibayama, what gives?”, Lev cheered and waved them over, “This is so strange. More people from the club and we could host a team meeting in here, haha.” Inouka replied with a hearty laugh of his own while Shibayama only managed a nervous chuckle. Kenma wanted to bash his head against the wall. More people from the team, _of course._

“I just met Kenma, and we talked about some stuff. You wanna hear something funny?”

_Oh no._

In a flurry of panic, Kenma tucked himself back into his pants, pulled up his zipper, flinched at the sting of the chafing that was definitely there, and buttoned up, all with his free hand. He flushed, stepped away from the urinal, and turned on his heel to make a mad run for the door. He could wash his hands later, he figured. His next class was chemistry and that room had a sink.

“Hey, my coffee!”, Lev yelled after him, but Kenma was too focused on running away to listen.

Urinals were canceled. Forever, Or at least as long as he and Lev went to the same school.

**Author's Note:**

> * the term “bio-break” is actually tech speak for going to the bathroom. I love it almost as much as “nature break” for cyclists. There’s something cute about it, and it fits our tech nerd Kenma.


End file.
